Tohru Honda's Journal

This batch
Envy #1	Since the other Envy seems to have gotten in, the best thing I can suggest is to use whatever you’ve learned from the C&C the other players gave you and app a different character.
Kazuki #1	I bet this app didn’t format properly, huh? Aside from that, for me this app lacked a strong voice and amusement both. It just felt kinda... blah. If I were you, I would exagerrate the character’s quirks more, because the quirks are what will make your character stand out from the crowd.
Kazuki #2	This had a decent voice, but felt somewhat confused. As far as I can tell, he thinks that the tentacle monster is Soushi? But that doesn’t make sense to someone like me who’s unfamiliar with the series. Same with the “flying” line at the end. Next time, perhaps you should rely less on canon details (though the use of canon to paint a voice was quite good) so that people like me will not be confused.
Kaname #1	While the voice in this app was good and IC, nothing much happened in it. It lacked climaxes and lulls, and while it was short, this is a problem. Since the other Kaname got in, I would say, don’t give up, but use whatever you have learned to app a different character, Grasshopper.
Yuuta #1	While the strikeout part of the app made me guffaw (seriously), on the whole this app felt kind of bland. Also, though too much canon reference in an app is bad, there was no canon reference here unless the string pony thing is canon, in which case, wtf PoT. This made the app feel ungrounded--it could have been anyone. Next time, perhaps add more of what makes Yuuta Yuuta--his rivalry with his brother, maybe, or even just “Hey, Mizuki’s here. wtf man.”
Yuuta #2	This one felt very much like a narrative instead of a journal entry. Also, the punctutation was a bit of a problem--don’t be afraid to end sentences! Periods are your friends! Sorry I’m not too helpful on this one, but if I were you I would change the style to make it sound more like someone talking to themselves and less like a monologue. Yes, there is a difference.

This batch
Marco	While I actually liked the voice very much, there wasn’t too much amusement in this app. Also, is this character the kind of guy who would reveal details about what seems to me to be a secret war, even in his own journal?
Chris Perry	I didn’t actually see too much wrong with this. However, since I’m not familiar with the series, and you were voted out, perhaps you were out of character?
Nagi	I hate to be snarky about this, but I have three words of advice for you: spelling, grammar, and formatting. To be honest, this could be the most well-written, most in-character in the history of Camp Fuck You Die, and I would still vote out because the basics of comprehensible writing have been ignored.
Toad	While I got the idea of the character, the voice wasn’t quite enough. I’ve read writing theory that says you need to exagerrate whatever character you’re trying to write to monstrous proportions just to make them “visible” to the reader. Since everyone in CFUD is already a fictional character, you don’t need to do as much exagerration for us to see them, but since they’re not in their natural environment, you do need a little bit. Next time, try making him a little bit more nasty, or have him get into a mishap of some sort? Either of those would move this app along a bit, I think.
Meyrin	The short paragraphs really break up whatever flow this app had going for it, and the ellipsis abuse doesn’t help. I’m sorry, I’m nearing the end of my attention span and haven’t seen the show, so there’s not much else I can say. If you fix those two problems, though, the app will be much improved, I think.